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Lansley accused over ministry’s £109,000…

Lansley accused over ministry’s £109,000 tea and biscuits bill

Taxpayers have paid the six-figure sum for free “refreshments” for staff and visitors to the department’s London offices from January. Ministers were said to be “staggered” after the figure...

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Afghan writer to miss Bard play because …

Qais Akbar Omar, 29, worked on a version of The Comedy Of Errors that will be among more than 30 productions in 37 languages at the Globe as part...

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The London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic G…

The London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games Medals

Get up close to the medals presented at the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games[1] with this free exhibition at the British Museum. Mine to Medals at the...

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London 2012 Olympics: Now your post may …

London 2012 Olympics: Now your post may be held up a day says Royal Mail

A £1 charge will also be introduced by Parcelforce for delivering to parts of London affected by the Games and Paralympics this summer. Postmen and women will start their...

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School chief had child porn

Andrew Lamont, 53, a former governor of St Anne’s Nursery School in North Kensington, copied 207 images of girls as young as eight to his computer.  His home was...

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Pest control to end Hampstead Heath's ra…

Pest control to end Hampstead Heath's rat plague

The rats are now in the breeding season and have been forced over-ground from their underground nests. A warm winter and food left for birds near the heath’s ponds...

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Duchess of Cambridge wows in stylish Mat…

Duchess of Cambridge wows in stylish Matthew Williamson dress at African Cats premiere

William and Kate were dazzled by dozen of flashguns when they arrived for the screening of the nature documentary, Africa Cats, raising funds for the Duke's UK-based animal conservation...

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Keeping Boat Race crews warm

Keeping Boat Race crews warm

Kate Giles was in training to qualify for the 2000 Sydney Olympics when she contracted pneumonia. After being forced to stop training for six months, she decided to launch...

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March heat may pass 47-year high

The Met Office said the capital would get hotter over the next two days, adding: “There’s a chance the record will be broken.” The warm spell is forecast to...

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Second new Routemaster arrives three wee…

Second new Routemaster arrives three weeks late

The first one began operation on route 38 between Victoria station and Hackney five weeks ago. At the time Transport for London (TfL) pledged there would be another one...

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Focus on Lockerbie victims - PM

Focus on Lockerbie victims - PM

Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi was sentenced to life in prison for the 1988 bombing of a US airliner over the Scottish town which claimed 270 lives. He was later diagnosed...

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Boat Race protester Trenton Oldfield ban…

Boat Race protester Trenton Oldfield banned from Jubilee venues and Olympic torch relay route

Protester Trenton Oldfield, 35, caused the annual race on the Thames to be stopped for about half an hour after he was spotted in the vessels’ path. Today, the...

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A taxing problem

It isn't just the pollsters who have picked up on the fact it's been a tough month for Ken Livingstone. The Labour party machine has also been feeling the...

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Mouse steals limelight from the Duchess …

Mouse steals limelight from the Duchess of Malfi

Half way through actress Eve Best’s death scene, audience members noticed the mouse in the seats behind them. When they complained to an usher, they were told that the...

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Fuel strike: Francis Maude fuels crisis …

Fuel strike: Francis Maude fuels crisis with 'jerry can' blunder

He was humiliatingly slapped down by the Fire Brigades Union which warned that stockpiling fuel in homes, garages or sheds could lead to “disastrous” blazes. Mr Maude had been...

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Artistic communities create a studios bo…

Artistic communities create a studios boom in buildings left empty by slump

The artistic community is breathing life into disused industrial and commercial premises that would previously have been snapped up by developers, a study from the National Federation of Artists’...

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Gang violence fear over shake-up of yout…

The council is set to take charge of all youth clubs in the borough, which are currently run by three schools and two affordable housing groups. But the head...

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Hosepipe ban 'is risking jobs'

They have accused Thames Water of putting jobs at risk by refusing a “grace period” to establish newly laid lawns and borders. Hew Stevenson of west London landscape gardeners...

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‘Westminster trying to make money out of…

‘Westminster trying to make money out of parking? You must believe Elvis is alive’

Daniel Astaire, who was handed the hugely sensitive parking portfolio this month in a Cabinet reshuffle by new council leader Philippa Roe, made the comparison in his first interview. ...

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'YAY! I'm going to kill myself,' astonis…

'YAY! I'm going to kill myself,' astonishing live commentary of Twitter suicide man

The 47-year-old victim used the social networking site to give a live commentary to friends and followers on what could have been his final moments after taking a hoard...

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Saturday, 16 July 2011 22:45

Christmas at Pearly Gates

Written by M

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," St. Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "These represent bells."

Saint Peter let him through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

Saint Peter looked at him with raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do these symbolize?"

The man replied, "They are Carol's".


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