A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving license.

"I'm sorry Mrs Smith but it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving."

"Well," replies the woman, "I have contacts."

"I don't care who you know,

you're still going to get a ticket."

My boss skipped work today.

He called this morning and said he was haveing a vision problem.

When I asked him what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."

A woman accompanies her husband to the doctor's.

After his check-up, the doctor calls the wife back.

"Your husband is suffering from a severe stress disorder," he says. "If you don't do the following, he will die."

The doctor explains: "Each morning, make him healthy breakfast. Be pleasant to him at all times. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal. In the evening, prepere something exceptional for him, because it's important he eats as varied a diet as possible. Don't burden him wiht chores. Don't discuss your problems with him. And most importantly, make love to him at least six times a week. If you can do this for the next year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asks his wife, "What did the doctor say to you?"

"He said you're going to die."

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?

It means you're in the wrong house."

Qwestion: Why is the marriage a three-ring circus?

Answer: First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and then the sufferRing.

A policeman pulled over a car and strolled up to the driver's window:

"Excuse me sir, but do you know that you're driving without a rear light?"

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and let out a whimpering groan.

The driver seemed so genuinely distressed that the policeman took a sympathetic view:

"Don't take it that hard; it's not all that serious an offence..."

"Isn't it?" the driver cried, "Where's my caravan gone?"

Two men were out on the golf cours. As one of them was teeing off at 10th hole, which happened to be next to the motorway, they saw a funeral procession go by.

Instead of teeing off, the player removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral passed.

At this point, the other man remarked, "You know, that was the most touching thing I've ever seen."

"Well," the first golfer replied, "I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do."

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and found absolutely nothing physicaly wrong with him, then sent him to his colegue psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist looked at the man and said to him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know," said the man, "but my wife refuses to sleep alone."

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The boy replied, "Beer and women!"

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said to him,

"I want to ask you about my husband. He thinks he's a refrigerator."

"Well that's nothing to worry about," said the psychiatrist. "I would say that's quite a harmless obsession."

"Yes, but the thing is," said the woman, "he sleeps with his mouth open and the little light keeps me awake at night."