A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving license.

"I'm sorry Mrs Smith but it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving."

"Well," replies the woman, "I have contacts."

"I don't care who you know,

you're still going to get a ticket."

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The boy replied, "Beer and women!"

A policeman pulled a car over and informed the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.

"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.

"Not according to my radar," the officer replied.

"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.

"No, you weren't!" the policeman said, starting to get annoyed.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."