My boss skipped work today.

He called this morning and said he was haveing a vision problem.

When I asked him what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."

A man flying in a hot air balloon realises he is lost.

He reduces the altitude, spots a man in a field down below and shouts:

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man replies, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am. But how did you know?" asks the man.

"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."

"I am. How did you guess?" says the balloonist.

"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help.

You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents - two men and a woman. They bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."

"But I could never shoot my wife." Says the man.

"Then you're not the right man for the job," says the CIA officer.

The second man is told the same. Five minutes later, he emerges with tears in his eyes and says, "I can't do it."

Finally, the woman is given the test, but with her husband.

She takes the gun and enters the room.

Shots are heard, then screaming, crashing and a lot of banging.

After a few minutes, she emerges, wiping sweat form her brow.

"You didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks; I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.

Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.

"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss, "Haven't you got a sense of humour?"

"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving on Friday."